Friday, February 15, 2013

And Here We Have Some Fucked Up Dog Wigs.

"The Sexin' Perm." 
This wig is aimed at an audience of female dog owners who are not acquainted with the penis of a man.  

The "Last Second Halloween Costume Oh Cool Looks Like I'll Be That One Obvious Guy From A Seventies Disco Where I'm Making References From Saturday Night Fever All Night Long Until I'm Passed Out Drunk In a Parking Lot Shit Now Someone Stole My iPhone and Also My Car" wig is a hit at all major celebrations. To further accessorize this look, pair it with a collared shirt. Preferably one with a spiral pattern. (TIP: the more directions that spiral takes on the better). I repeat: THE MORE DIRECTIONS THE SPIRAL TAKES, THE MORE THIS WILL INDICATE YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE PARTICIPANT IN ANY DISCO FRENZY)

"The Toup'"
This works well if your dog aspires to be a politician. Put your dog on the fast track to success in this lovely hair piece that naturally bred Republican descendants would marvel at. Weaved from the bountiful scalps of the original old money, this mahogany masterpiece will have everyone RSVPing to your $8k plate party in a flash.

This versatile wig can go many ways. Because it is versatile. And that's what that means. Instructions on how to prep this style range from thrusting yourself face first towards a high powered fan to fancifully tossing yourself out of a 4 story window. The higher the altitude, the better the results. Set with cold and you're good to go.