Thursday, March 13, 2014

Dentistry Can Be Funistry.


A few weeks ago, I had to get Oral Surgery Extreme for the first time. It was a procedure I never even knew existed. It was so unheard of I had to go to the special dental God of teeth in the far off land of Glendale, California. I mean, I have had some pretty bad experiences at the dentist prior to this. When I was a kid, I had to get 4 teeth pulled to make room for awesome braces. It didn't feel oh-so spectacular yanking them out all at once and I might've been a little theatrical with my reaction. So much so the overweight assistant thought a soothing approach to this would be to sit on me. In which case, she went and sat on me. So serene. Later in my teens, my stepmom found a great dentist in the nostalgic neighborhood of Forest Hills that I grew up in who accepted her plan. On the day of my appointment, we walked into an apparent 1960's nuclear fallout shelter: Mint green walls, ceilings and floors, dental instruments that have been dental instruments during the Kennedy administration and a man about 8,070 years old with round, black rimmed glasses thicker than his own head. Needless to say, I grew a bouffant. No, needless to say, I freaked out and never went back to that guy. These days I'm usually not that miffed by the idea of going to the dentist and try to go once every other month as a precautionary measure so that I never need a root canal again. Not because it's painful, but because it's expensive. Fear of the dentist should never be so crippling that you turn into someone walking around looking like a pirate on purpose. But when my new special super dentist looked at my x-ray and explained the reality of the situation in utmost detail, fear started to creep up on me and I slowly realized that this was not going to be fun:


Dentist: Yep, you have a serious infection in there. If you wait too long you're going to end up in the Emergency Room.
Candice's Brain: Real life stuff. Not Instagram. Not to-do list of going to Target and buying 4 bananas and a juice.
Dentist: You can either get the tooth pulled and then get an implant or we can go and do gum surgery where we slice your gums, pull them back and scoop out the infection.
Candice's Brain: Wait, this is still real life stuff and not Twitter?
Dentist: Your insurance covers 80%. Come back in 4 hours and we'll do the surgery because it's your best option.